Hey, losers, I'm probably out doing something amazing, so leave a message, and I'll try to get back to you. Or just think really loudly at me. I'll hear it. BEEP.
ignoring your pedantry for five minutes, your premise fell down as soon as you prefaced "card tricks" with the word "cool". those ARE mutually exclusive.
you know steve never signed off on the team, right? guy was fuming about your reality tv show angle.
( says man who quit the avengers for the thunderbolts and got mad because steve wouldn't... sign off... on it... )
"ignoring my pedantry"?? excuse you, my pedantry is expressly unignorable. i won't stand for this affront.
really? playing the "cap disapproves" card? why do you hate happiness, barton? and fun? and joy? i had higher hopes for you, and look! my hopes are crushed now. 💀 dashed upon the rocks of life's brutal shores.
i know you did not just compare me to quicksilver. dude has zero rizz. an absolute travesty of a person. whereas i am an audacious lil scamp. i'm up to my eyeballs in roguish charm over here and for what? getting compared to magneto's shittiest kid just because we share an above-third-grade vocabulary. unbelievable.
good thing i'm not a "real avenger" then huh? also nice self-report lol
( the pause at the response is longer than is strictly necessary, partly because quentin being quentin, keeps moving the goalposts, and partly because— )
how many non-mutants did you work with before you agreed to join kate's team?
( he has a point with the question, but he's going to need quentin to answer it first. it's not the point he was originally going to make (that was mostly 'quentin, you're annoying, but you're not uniquely annoying', but now that quentin's opened the door—.
he's going elsewhere with it. )
?? my first couple years was pretty much JUST me arguing with cap, this isn't news, quire.
and you don't get to be a better person who makes better choices without disappointing someone who IS better than you a couple times.
[Quentin knows Clint isn't dumb enough to not see through that. It's one of the single most transparent answers of all time.
He's also not about to just openly admit that prior to joining Kate's team he had only worked with anyone—mutant or otherwise—in a capacity that involved the word "technically." Meaning he got pulled off the bench occasionally when there was a need for a powerful psychic and none of the preferable options were available. Sure, Quentin's grown up a lot since then, but there's a limit to how much of his pride you can reasonably expect him to swallow, okay! Telling Hawkeye of all people about Quentin's long and pathetic history of being an abysmal failure? No way. Barton would hold that over his head until the heat-death of the universe. And probably even after that, honestly.]
that had better not be your roundabout way of saying you're disappointed in me barton i stg. [speaking of self-report] all i did was ask if you knew any dumb card tricks jfc
( but whatever he types out next doesn't get sent before he deletes it. clint isn't unaware enough to not realise what quentin's essentially just admitted, but it takes a moment for it to register.
he could call him out on it, but it wouldn't necessarily be productive. (he knows how he'd have reacted.)
[He's counting that whole thing when he was psychically shielding people from Red Onslaught, and nobody can stop him. Sorry not sorry.]
hilarious.
also why do you only know sketchy shit? aren't you a superhero?? you can pick locks, steal wallets, and cheat at poker, but what, the classic french drop is beneath you? smh
( NOW you've ruined the point he was going to make, thank you. )
what? carson's wasn't exactly a family-friendly circus made up of law-abiding citizens. and I know you know I've got a record from before I joined the avengers. the public and press made enough of a big deal about how a carnie thief and two "terrorists" weren't avengers material. people on the internet have really hung onto that, too.
( does clint google himself? of course he fucking does. )
and, yeah, well, the number of people who find card tricks impressive is kinda thin on the ground and I had ( ... ) different priorities.
oh boo hoo "i'm clint barton i was a petty criminal like a billion years ago and have the world's biggest chip on my shoulder about it. won't someone persecute me so i can justify being a cranky bastard all the time?" [Not that he can relate or anything...]
buddy have you met the x-men? we're a bunch of circus freaks minus the circus. there's more of us with criminal records than without, and believe me that's the understatement of the century. you know who's on my team? juggernaut. not to mention magneto, psylocke, magik. i could go on. hell, i'm a wanted terrorist.
face it pal, you're a goody-goody just like the rest of you avengers types. [he says, having actually had a conversation with like... 5 "avengers types".] so maybe unclench for like two seconds??
i asked why you only know sketchy shit, you nerd. [Because that was so incredibly clear and not phrased in the most insulting and defensive-reaction-provoking way possible. Obviously.] why do i care that you're good at stealing or weighing down milk bottles or any of your other carnie shit?
whatever. point is you have a weird affinity for one specific thing but inexplicably only use it for shooting arrows or crime apparently. and also you're boring at parties.
[... Okay, this isn't going according to plan. Probably because there was no plan.
See, a normal person would've just asked "hey, you're better at this skill than I am, can you help me with this new hobby I thought would be fun?" and then moved on when the answer was no. It's so easy! No arguments, no misunderstandings, no time wasted. None of... whatever the hell is going on here. But nooooooo.
Uuuuugh, Quire, why do you always do this to yourself? Answer: because you're an irrepressible, unmitigated fuck-up. And a try-hard. And an edgelord. Damn it.
... Alright. Fine. Time to grow up and try to salvage what he can of this mess. Fuck.]
try me. your whole "handwritten letter" crap, i mean.
( it's not the response clint's expecting, and he's not sure if it's the response he'd really wanted. he'd expected agreement, a yeah, not interested — or however quentin expresses pointed, deliberate disinterest. probably accompanied by some kind of judgement that amounts to how he's above it all, or something.
and so his reluctance isn't because he's embarrassed — for the most part, clint doesn't really do embarrassment — but because it's not a natural part of a conversation. it's gonna sound weird. )
we really need to work on your interpersonal skills.
( pot, kettle. )
have you ever tried shooting? by that, I mean anything. cause my problem with guns ( not his only problem, but a problem, ) is that anyone can use them. it's just point and click. or point and squeeze, or whatever. you don't need to think about it, the gun does all the work for you, so there's no real accountability for the shot. not from beginning to end. with a bow, it's all deliberate. you're not gonna hit anyone or anything if your breathing's off, if you don't take the time to anticipate your target. as soon as the string's drawn back, whatever your shot does is on you. whatever it hits is wherever I've decided it's gonna hit. personal responsibility.
so, it's the difference between an email and a handwritten letter.
I like people knowing that every shot is basically me going "this is exactly what I meant to do, hugs and kisses, Hawkeye".
i was pretty much raised by wolverine. that should tell you all you need to know
[Okay, Barton is really, really lucky Quentin actually likes him, because reading all that? It's rough. He's instantly and painfully bored, but since he did (regrettably?) ask, he does at least try to wrap his head around why anyone would intentionally use what his own explanation admits is a vastly less efficient way of accomplishing a task. If it's truly that precise using a bow—which Quentin has to assume it must be, having never picked up one of the damn things in his life—to the point where breathing differently fucks the whole shot up, then... what's the point? Just seems like statistically you'd miss more than you hit.
... Then again, Clint doesn't seem to ever really miss. Which honestly, Quentin just chalked up to a natural aptitude for spatial awareness and never missing arm day in like 30 years. Not like... some deep aspirational philosophy or something.
Man. See, this is why he normally just uses telepathy whenever he needs to understand a different perspective. Way easier.]
yyyyeah i mostly use psychic weapons so. not sure how that works into your metaphor. i mean i don't exactly have to aim but that's just because the whole kit and kaboodle is, you know, a part of me and stuff.
( it doesn't tell him everything he more-or-less needs to know, but as clint also knows logan, would even call him a friend even if he knows logan finds him annoying as fuck, clint doesn't think it's quite as damning as quentin might intend it to sound.
but in the rest of it, he's not wrong. it'd started as a means to be useful, to have something to do other than shovelling elephant shit and helping to fix rides. it'd been something to do that also made him feel wanted, even if neither jacques not chisholm had been quite the father figures he'd been hoping for.
the "it makes a point" of it all had come later. )
it doesn't, quire. you being able to do what you can do because it's you isn't the same thing.
but it's not like I really give two seconds thinking about why thor uses a hammer, or tony decides to dress up as a tin can.
my choice is my choice, is mostly what it comes down to.
plus there's just something really funny about kicking some bad guy's ass with some string and wood.
yeah, see, there was a baby emerging consciousness ai in charge of the simulation that needed help. i helped. telepath stuff.
well, didn't go exactly as planned, and now i've got a copy of its memories stuck in my head with nowhere to put it. also i can't access them. not ideal, but not the worst thing.
i just remembered it because you were rambling about "personal responsibility" and crap.
( is that what clint was expecting? no, not at all. is it better? debatable. )
so... you're an external hard drive, is what you're saying, only without the right admin privileges to access the questionable folder you've just downloaded from a questionable website and we've just gotta hope it doesn't install anything weird on you.
but with the positive spin of 'if something goes wrong with the ai, you can maybe kind of fix it'? like a data restore or whatever.
dude. that's not how any of this works. ignorance about telepathy i'll forgive since it's not like you avengers have ever had any decent psychics around, but how do you not know about computers? and don't say "i grew up in the circus" because i know for a fact you hang out with all kinds of "super genius" nerds.
if you must know the whole system was going to shit, and the only way to fix it was to do a hard reset that would wipe the old ai's memories. in layman's terms, kill it. i figured hey, doing really stupid shit to save the tragic asshole of the week is what bleeding heart superhero types do, right? so i downloaded a backup of its mind to do a full restore after the reset.
but then the fucking access terminals disappeared. guess new baby ai doesn't want its old memories back. and old ai is... hiding or something. thing is there shouldn't be any part of my mind i can't access, and yes, obviously i set up all kinds of security to keep it from, in your words, "installing anything weird on me". but now the damn thing won't come out. you don't build a hulk containment facility planning for him to lock himself in, you know?
the "super nerds" do the computer stuff, quentin. we're lucky I can type.
let's not talk about what people do to try and stop bruce, please. that's a shitty comparison.
( given, you know, clint did kill bruce and he did undergo a murder trial for it. given clint absolutely, completely hates himself for agreeing to do it in the first place. )
anyway, precisely none of what you've said makes me feel good about any of this.
1. that's sad. i'm sad for you barton. see, this is what happens when people don't have group telepathic knowledge share. 2. a shitty comparison for you to make, maybe. but i'm a fellow walking wmd. if you don't think there's just as much containment crap for qq as there is for big green i got a bridge to sell ya. 3. it's not supposed to make you feel good. but hey, if something goes tits up at least you'll know why, right?
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oh hey guess we were both 19 when we joined avengers teams. twinsies. ❤️
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you know steve never signed off on the team, right? guy was fuming about your reality tv show angle.
( says man who quit the avengers for the thunderbolts and got mad because steve wouldn't... sign off... on it... )
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really? playing the "cap disapproves" card? why do you hate happiness, barton? and fun? and joy? i had higher hopes for you, and look! my hopes are crushed now. 💀 dashed upon the rocks of life's brutal shores.
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you're not that special.
being an avenger features a lot of "steve is unhappy with your choices", I'm just breaking you in.
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good thing i'm not a "real avenger" then huh? also nice self-report lol
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how many non-mutants did you work with before you agreed to join kate's team?
( he has a point with the question, but he's going to need quentin to answer it first. it's not the point he was originally going to make (that was mostly 'quentin, you're annoying, but you're not uniquely annoying', but now that quentin's opened the door—.
he's going elsewhere with it. )
??
my first couple years was pretty much JUST me arguing with cap, this isn't news, quire.
and you don't get to be a better person who makes better choices without disappointing someone who IS better than you a couple times.
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[Quentin knows Clint isn't dumb enough to not see through that. It's one of the single most transparent answers of all time.
He's also not about to just openly admit that prior to joining Kate's team he had only worked with anyone—mutant or otherwise—in a capacity that involved the word "technically." Meaning he got pulled off the bench occasionally when there was a need for a powerful psychic and none of the preferable options were available. Sure, Quentin's grown up a lot since then, but there's a limit to how much of his pride you can reasonably expect him to swallow, okay! Telling Hawkeye of all people about Quentin's long and pathetic history of being an abysmal failure? No way. Barton would hold that over his head until the heat-death of the universe. And probably even after that, honestly.]
that had better not be your roundabout way of saying you're disappointed in me barton i stg. [
speaking of self-report] all i did was ask if you knew any dumb card tricks jfcno subject
( but whatever he types out next doesn't get sent before he deletes it. clint isn't unaware enough to not realise what quentin's essentially just admitted, but it takes a moment for it to register.
he could call him out on it, but it wouldn't necessarily be productive.
(he knows how he'd have reacted.)
but still— )
you want me to tell you I'm proud instead?
I play poker, quire. I know card "tricks".
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[He's counting that whole thing when he was psychically shielding people from Red Onslaught, and nobody can stop him. Sorry not sorry.]
hilarious.
also why do you only know sketchy shit? aren't you a superhero??
you can pick locks, steal wallets, and cheat at poker, but what, the classic french drop is beneath you? smh
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( NOW you've ruined the point he was going to make, thank you. )
what?
carson's wasn't exactly a family-friendly circus made up of law-abiding citizens.
and I know you know I've got a record from before I joined the avengers. the public and press made enough of a big deal about how a carnie thief and two "terrorists" weren't avengers material.
people on the internet have really hung onto that, too.
( does clint google himself? of course he fucking does. )
and, yeah, well, the number of people who find card tricks impressive is kinda thin on the ground and I had ( ... ) different priorities.
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oh boo hoo "i'm clint barton i was a petty criminal like a billion years ago and have the world's biggest chip on my shoulder about it. won't someone persecute me so i can justify being a cranky bastard all the time?" [Not that he can relate or anything...]
buddy have you met the x-men? we're a bunch of circus freaks minus the circus. there's more of us with criminal records than without, and believe me that's the understatement of the century. you know who's on my team? juggernaut. not to mention magneto, psylocke, magik. i could go on. hell, i'm a wanted terrorist.
face it pal, you're a goody-goody just like the rest of you avengers types. [he says, having actually had a conversation with like... 5 "avengers types".] so maybe unclench for like two seconds??
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you are aware you asked the question, right?
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why do i care that you're good at stealing or weighing down milk bottles or any of your other carnie shit?
whatever. point is you have a weird affinity for one specific thing but inexplicably only use it for shooting arrows or crime apparently. and also you're boring at parties.
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I got a whole thing about how using a bow and arrow's like mailing a handwritten letter, but somehow I don't think you're gonna be interested in that.
you don't know what I'm like at parties, kiddo.
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See, a normal person would've just asked "hey, you're better at this skill than I am, can you help me with this new hobby I thought would be fun?" and then moved on when the answer was no. It's so easy! No arguments, no misunderstandings, no time wasted. None of... whatever the hell is going on here. But nooooooo.
Uuuuugh, Quire, why do you always do this to yourself? Answer: because you're an irrepressible, unmitigated fuck-up. And a try-hard. And an edgelord. Damn it.
... Alright. Fine. Time to grow up and try to salvage what he can of this mess. Fuck.]
try me. your whole "handwritten letter" crap, i mean.
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and so his reluctance isn't because he's embarrassed — for the most part, clint doesn't really do embarrassment — but because it's not a natural part of a conversation. it's gonna sound weird. )
we really need to work on your interpersonal skills.
( pot, kettle. )
have you ever tried shooting? by that, I mean anything.
cause my problem with guns ( not his only problem, but a problem, ) is that anyone can use them. it's just point and click. or point and squeeze, or whatever.
you don't need to think about it, the gun does all the work for you, so there's no real accountability for the shot. not from beginning to end.
with a bow, it's all deliberate. you're not gonna hit anyone or anything if your breathing's off, if you don't take the time to anticipate your target. as soon as the string's drawn back, whatever your shot does is on you. whatever it hits is wherever I've decided it's gonna hit.
personal responsibility.
so, it's the difference between an email and a handwritten letter.
I like people knowing that every shot is basically me going "this is exactly what I meant to do, hugs and kisses, Hawkeye".
there's nothing "inexplicable" about it.
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[Okay, Barton is really, really lucky Quentin actually likes him, because reading all that? It's rough. He's instantly and painfully bored, but since he did (regrettably?) ask, he does at least try to wrap his head around why anyone would intentionally use what his own explanation admits is a vastly less efficient way of accomplishing a task. If it's truly that precise using a bow—which Quentin has to assume it must be, having never picked up one of the damn things in his life—to the point where breathing differently fucks the whole shot up, then... what's the point? Just seems like statistically you'd miss more than you hit.
... Then again, Clint doesn't seem to ever really miss. Which honestly, Quentin just chalked up to a natural aptitude for spatial awareness and never missing arm day in like 30 years. Not like... some deep aspirational philosophy or something.
Man. See, this is why he normally just uses telepathy whenever he needs to understand a different perspective. Way easier.]
yyyyeah i mostly use psychic weapons so. not sure how that works into your metaphor. i mean i don't exactly have to aim but that's just because the whole kit and kaboodle is, you know, a part of me and stuff.
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but in the rest of it, he's not wrong. it'd started as a means to be useful, to have something to do other than shovelling elephant shit and helping to fix rides. it'd been something to do that also made him feel wanted, even if neither jacques not chisholm had been quite the father figures he'd been hoping for.
the "it makes a point" of it all had come later. )
it doesn't, quire. you being able to do what you can do because it's you isn't the same thing.
but it's not like I really give two seconds thinking about why thor uses a hammer, or tony decides to dress up as a tin can.
my choice is my choice, is mostly what it comes down to.
plus there's just something really funny about kicking some bad guy's ass with some string and wood.
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see now you should have led with that, not all this personal responsibility crap. spite is always a motivation i can get behind.
[Sure, Quentin does understand that Barton isn't entirely motivated by spite. But he likes that explanation better, so it's what he's going with.]
oh right guess i should tell you about the ai in my brain at some point
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the WHAT
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well, didn't go exactly as planned, and now i've got a copy of its memories stuck in my head with nowhere to put it. also i can't access them. not ideal, but not the worst thing.
i just remembered it because you were rambling about "personal responsibility" and crap.
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so... you're an external hard drive, is what you're saying, only without the right admin privileges to access the questionable folder you've just downloaded from a questionable website and we've just gotta hope it doesn't install anything weird on you.
but with the positive spin of 'if something goes wrong with the ai, you can maybe kind of fix it'? like a data restore or whatever.
( does clint do computers? not really. )
how does the ai feel about all of this?
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if you must know the whole system was going to shit, and the only way to fix it was to do a hard reset that would wipe the old ai's memories. in layman's terms, kill it. i figured hey, doing really stupid shit to save the tragic asshole of the week is what bleeding heart superhero types do, right? so i downloaded a backup of its mind to do a full restore after the reset.
but then the fucking access terminals disappeared. guess new baby ai doesn't want its old memories back. and old ai is... hiding or something. thing is there shouldn't be any part of my mind i can't access, and yes, obviously i set up all kinds of security to keep it from, in your words, "installing anything weird on me". but now the damn thing won't come out. you don't build a hulk containment facility planning for him to lock himself in, you know?
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let's not talk about what people do to try and stop bruce, please. that's a shitty comparison.
( given, you know, clint did kill bruce and he did undergo a murder trial for it. given clint absolutely, completely hates himself for agreeing to do it in the first place. )
anyway, precisely none of what you've said makes me feel good about any of this.
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2. a shitty comparison for you to make, maybe. but i'm a fellow walking wmd. if you don't think there's just as much containment crap for qq as there is for big green i got a bridge to sell ya.
3. it's not supposed to make you feel good. but hey, if something goes tits up at least you'll know why, right?
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