Hey, losers, I'm probably out doing something amazing, so leave a message, and I'll try to get back to you. Or just think really loudly at me. I'll hear it. BEEP.
1. that's sad. i'm sad for you barton. see, this is what happens when people don't have group telepathic knowledge share. 2. a shitty comparison for you to make, maybe. but i'm a fellow walking wmd. if you don't think there's just as much containment crap for qq as there is for big green i got a bridge to sell ya. 3. it's not supposed to make you feel good. but hey, if something goes tits up at least you'll know why, right?
1. no-one needs to see my thoughts 2. ALSO not what I meant. but for what it's worth, if you don't think I've got an arrow for every person I work with, you've got another think coming. 3. yay knowledge
my bad i forgot there's a merciful way to kill your friends hmmm is it psychic dampener arrows? i bet it's psychic dampener arrows
bishop's mind smells kinda like popcorn btw. you'd think it'd be the opposite, what with the whole carnie thing, but nope. wait is she also a carnie?? but like... from a nicer circus????
uh you're the one who said "everybody's got an arrow with their name on it" or whatever shit. what the hell else does that mean other than murdering fools?? is that what you avengers do when you're bored? just a little casual platonic arrow-shooting amongst friends?
hey so question: is being sulky and uptight like a prerequisite for being an arrow person or is it a consequence?
[There's a mildly suspicious pause before he replies. Did he go get a snack? Or is he regretting edgelording a little too hard? The world may never know.]
sooo i was right about psychic dampener arrows
[And then there's a much more suspicious pause before his next message.]
just to be clear i don't make a habit of killing people either. in case there was any confusion. there shouldn't be. but. you know.
i talk a lot of shit. i know it, you know it. it's whatever. doesn't make me a psycho. we gucci? great, good talk.
yeah no i was just clarifying because of the whole "merciless slaughtering" thing. it's the dark humor. people get weird about it. you know, you try to kill a bunch of randoms in a fit of teenage angst—unsuccessfully, mind you!—like two times and now nobody can take a goddamn joke. it's fine though. don't worry about it.
anyway, where was i? oh right. you being uptight.
exhibit a: you don't know any card tricks exhibit b: you're being cagey af about having anti-telepath arrows. dude everybody and their dog has that shit these days. telepaths are weird and scary and nobody likes us yadda yadda. yawn. that's old news. you don't have to be weird about it.
also there were evil doppelgangers running around this place literally last week so you know. relevant.
...that's it? you really think I haven't heard an off-color joke in my time?
I know card tricks! I just don't know card "tricks". which honestly just says I had a slightly more interesting, less lonely teenage experience than whatever would've led to me knowing how to guess what card someone's just picked out a pack. could probably figure something out since you're so goddamned hung up on it though.
...do you just take someone not telling you what you want to know as someone being weird and uptight? cause there's DEFINITELY another word we could use for that, and it's not one that describes me.
mine was just an asshole, I dunno if I'd go so far as to say 'evil'.
look man i'm just telling you people i know have been calling me a psycho for years. i'm a mind-reader, not an arbiter of truth. and we don't exactly have a big overlap in social circles, so idk, maybe you're a freak too.
ugh i'm not "hung up" on anything it was a dumb bit, okay? just forget it. christ on a stick.
i like knowing things. it's kinda my whole deal? sue me. if you were a mutant i'd have already read your mind, but you're not. this is me being courteous.
well i didn't get one. but if i did he'd probably be evil. that'd be my luck. and in that situation i do in fact recommend the "merciless slaughter" route. wasn't kidding about the wmd thing, in case that wasn't clear.
uh huh. well i don't know too many avengers other than you so guess i'll take your word for it.
right because i'm sure all of logan's poker buddies will be lining up to add me to their game nights. eh, if you're offering. i mean, using my powers is way more effective, but at a certain point it's almost too easy, you know?
[And it has nothing to do with wanting to hang out with the only person here who isn't a version of someone he knows.]
you keep saying that. but see, i love me some dirty mental laundry. i'm sure you've got a couple of dumpster fires in there i could get a good chuckle out of.
hey buddy you do you. i'm just sayin if i woke up evil tomorrow or a version of me popped out of the ether who's even more petty and vindictive? first thing i'd do is make you forget how to aim. well, maybe not first. but top five at least. i've met my evil clone before, and sometimes it's just more humane to give someone the old yeller treatment behind the shed out back
[... So yeah, obviously "luck" talking, and not that other thing. Obviously!]
we don't invite telepaths. didn't even invite spider-man for the longest time cause none of us were sure if that spidey sense of his would, you know, let him know when someone was trying to fuck him over.
( (and also he never has money, which is a little rich coming from clint, but—.)
so, yeah, that's a no. )
you can make your own little poker game.
and no, I wouldn't know, but you and I both know there's a chance you're gonna have to do something without your powers at some point in your life. relying on one thing and one thing alone's just setting yourself up for failure, and I don't for a second believe you're not a guy that doesn't like to have some surprises in his back pocket.
( WHY are you like this— )
yeah, well, that's because I'm a divorced man in his thirties. explore away, kiddo, just don't say I didn't warn you.
I had to deal with going blind once. "I'd make you forget how to aim" isn't the threat you think it is.
but for the rest of it: nah. that's really not my style. most every time, there's a better way.
tbh it's not that hard to pull one over on a telepath if you know what you're doing. most stealthy mind-reading is misdirection. don't think about pink elephants, etc. once you figure out what to look for we can't do much more than skim surface thoughts without it being noticeable, and controlling your surface thoughts is just discipline. not that complicated.
uh, excuse you, i can manage perfectly fine without my powers. i've done... stuff. before. hacking, building, cool shit. i'm a little rusty is all! give me a break, there wasn't exactly a ton of normie crap on krakoa.
[No comment on how the fact that Krakoa fell literally proves Clint's point. Quentin's going to just move right along to... whatever shit Barton is rambling about in those last three lines. That's it? He just... doesn't give a fuck? Just says "yeah, go rifle through my brain, turn evil, fuck me up bro" and then sits back all nonchalant with his arbitrary moral rules and misguided optimism like an omega level telepath is the same as some basic bitch street-level psychic? Who does that?
... Well. A guy with no powers, probably. Magnitudes of power don't mean as much when you've got nothing, do they? Maybe for Barton the omega level mutant and the street level enhanced thug are the same. Because ultimately they're all infinitely more powered than he is. It's multiplying by zero.
given my skill set vs the avengers vs avengers level threats... you wanna try telling me something I don't know? there isn't a smart person who does what I do.
strictly speaking, you've gone up against more "avengers level threats" than i have. mostly because you're approximately 110 years old, but still. probably counts for something i guess.
also doesn't she hate when you call her katie?
[Was that?? A compliment???
Look, something about that epiphany deflated some of the piss-and-vinegar attitude Quentin carries around more often than not, and he very much does not intend to dissect why. It'd probably have to do with feeling normal for once or there being an adult in his life who doesn't treat him like he's the world's biggest disappointment or some sentimental bullcrap like that and... no. Nope. Not unpacking that trauma. Not today, maybe not ever, and definitely not because of Clint Barton.]
ugh my humor is wasted on you. i just thought it would be funny if you had a really useless power.
look the point i was trying to make is being a dumbass clearly works for you considering you've miraculously managed to survive to the ripe old status of "divorced man in his thirties" despite all of the numerous obvious reasons you shouldn't. if you want to take that as a compliment be my guest. or don't. i'm not your boss.
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2. a shitty comparison for you to make, maybe. but i'm a fellow walking wmd. if you don't think there's just as much containment crap for qq as there is for big green i got a bridge to sell ya.
3. it's not supposed to make you feel good. but hey, if something goes tits up at least you'll know why, right?
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2. ALSO not what I meant. but for what it's worth, if you don't think I've got an arrow for every person I work with, you've got another think coming.
3. yay knowledge
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[Look, death by arrow is one of the very, very few ways he hasn't died.]
also 1. speaking from experience, no, they definitely do not. your brain smells like a day old grilled cheese, in case you were wondering
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and telling you would INCREDIBLY defeat the point.
I wasn't, thank you.
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hmmm is it psychic dampener arrows? i bet it's psychic dampener arrows
bishop's mind smells kinda like popcorn btw. you'd think it'd be the opposite, what with the whole carnie thing, but nope.
wait is she also a carnie?? but like... from a nicer circus????
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( —mostly. 99% of the time. )
I'm gonna let you ask kate that to her face, and I'm not gonna do a single thing when she punches you.
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is that what you avengers do when you're bored? just a little casual platonic arrow-shooting amongst friends?
hey so question: is being sulky and uptight like a prerequisite for being an arrow person or is it a consequence?
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on the naughty step, whatever.
NOT killing.
...yeah, okay, we can call ( ... ) training 'platonic arrow shooting' if you want.
sure a way of putting it though.
I'm not uptight.
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sooo i was right about psychic dampener arrows
[And then there's a much more suspicious pause before his next message.]
just to be clear i don't make a habit of killing people either. in case there was any confusion. there shouldn't be. but. you know.
i talk a lot of shit. i know it, you know it. it's whatever. doesn't make me a psycho. we gucci? great, good talk.
and you are uptight
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( a pause of his own here, one punctuated with a series of
look, it's generally not what a person chooses to do that's the problem.
but for the record, I don't make it a habit of working with anyone I think's a psycho.
you and I are working with very different definitions of 'uptight'.
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anyway, where was i? oh right. you being uptight.
exhibit a: you don't know any card tricks
exhibit b: you're being cagey af about having anti-telepath arrows. dude everybody and their dog has that shit these days. telepaths are weird and scary and nobody likes us yadda yadda. yawn. that's old news. you don't have to be weird about it.
also there were evil doppelgangers running around this place literally last week so you know. relevant.
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I know card tricks! I just don't know card "tricks". which honestly just says I had a slightly more interesting, less lonely teenage experience than whatever would've led to me knowing how to guess what card someone's just picked out a pack.
could probably figure something out since you're so goddamned hung up on it though.
...do you just take someone not telling you what you want to know as someone being weird and uptight? cause there's DEFINITELY another word we could use for that, and it's not one that describes me.
mine was just an asshole, I dunno if I'd go so far as to say 'evil'.
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ugh i'm not "hung up" on anything
it was a dumb bit, okay? just forget it. christ on a stick.
i like knowing things. it's kinda my whole deal? sue me. if you were a mutant i'd have already read your mind, but you're not. this is me being courteous.
well i didn't get one. but if i did he'd probably be evil. that'd be my luck. and in that situation i do in fact recommend the "merciless slaughter" route. wasn't kidding about the wmd thing, in case that wasn't clear.
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if you want me to teach you how to cheat at poker, I can teach you how to cheat at poker.
makes for some fun games with ben and logan.
ha, we both know there's nothing in my mind you really wanna see.
( is it your luck talking, quentin, or is it your self-perception. )
alright, let me just change my entire perspective on murder because quentin quire says so.
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right because i'm sure all of logan's poker buddies will be lining up to add me to their game nights.
eh, if you're offering. i mean, using my powers is way more effective, but at a certain point it's almost too easy, you know?
[And it has nothing to do with wanting to hang out with the only person here who isn't a version of someone he knows.]
you keep saying that. but see, i love me some dirty mental laundry. i'm sure you've got a couple of dumpster fires in there i could get a good chuckle out of.
hey buddy you do you. i'm just sayin if i woke up evil tomorrow or a version of me popped out of the ether who's even more petty and vindictive? first thing i'd do is make you forget how to aim. well, maybe not first. but top five at least.
i've met my evil clone before, and sometimes it's just more humane to give someone the old yeller treatment behind the shed out back
[... So yeah, obviously "luck" talking, and not that other thing. Obviously!]
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( (and also he never has money, which is a little rich coming from clint, but—.)
so, yeah, that's a no. )
you can make your own little poker game.
and no, I wouldn't know, but you and I both know there's a chance you're gonna have to do something without your powers at some point in your life. relying on one thing and one thing alone's just setting yourself up for failure, and I don't for a second believe you're not a guy that doesn't like to have some surprises in his back pocket.
( WHY are you like this— )
yeah, well, that's because I'm a divorced man in his thirties. explore away, kiddo, just don't say I didn't warn you.
I had to deal with going blind once. "I'd make you forget how to aim" isn't the threat you think it is.
but for the rest of it: nah. that's really not my style. most every time, there's a better way.
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uh, excuse you, i can manage perfectly fine without my powers. i've done... stuff. before. hacking, building, cool shit. i'm a little rusty is all! give me a break, there wasn't exactly a ton of normie crap on krakoa.
[No comment on how the fact that Krakoa fell literally proves Clint's point. Quentin's going to just move right along to... whatever shit Barton is rambling about in those last three lines. That's it? He just... doesn't give a fuck? Just says "yeah, go rifle through my brain, turn evil, fuck me up bro" and then sits back all nonchalant with his arbitrary moral rules and misguided optimism like an omega level telepath is the same as some basic bitch street-level psychic? Who does that?
... Well. A guy with no powers, probably. Magnitudes of power don't mean as much when you've got nothing, do they? Maybe for Barton the omega level mutant and the street level enhanced thug are the same. Because ultimately they're all infinitely more powered than he is. It's multiplying by zero.
Hmm.]
you're a dumbass, barton.
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except katie.
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also doesn't she hate when you call her katie?
[Was that?? A compliment???
Look, something about that epiphany deflated some of the piss-and-vinegar attitude Quentin carries around more often than not, and he very much does not intend to dissect why. It'd probably have to do with feeling normal for once or there being an adult in his life who doesn't treat him like he's the world's biggest disappointment or some sentimental bullcrap like that and... no. Nope. Not unpacking that trauma. Not today, maybe not ever, and definitely not because of Clint Barton.]
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( ignoring the fact that there's every chance, every likelihood that he won't live to old age. probably won't even get to retire.
(would he want to—?) )
yes, she does.
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look the point i was trying to make is being a dumbass clearly works for you considering you've miraculously managed to survive to the ripe old status of "divorced man in his thirties" despite all of the numerous obvious reasons you shouldn't. if you want to take that as a compliment be my guest. or don't. i'm not your boss.
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try being funny next time.
( although 'survive' is completely debatable given he's died a few times — sure, he's been brought back, but. )
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wow you really got me with that one. how will i ever recover.
you know what? compliment rescinded. eat shit and die.